Fear pt. II

There was a time when I believed I would be safer without love. Love seemed forced and troublesome, and I thought people who took risks for the person they loved to be in a phase. Love for another person seemed full of hardship and I did not want to take any part of it.

I believed I could not find a person whom I was attracted to in some way to love me. I thought love for me was a joke.

I was disappointed in myself for the love I had of one person. I believed I was better. I did not know how deep I was in until it was over.

There was a time when I was with him that I cannot or will not find anyone whom I felt deeply for to love me as much as he did. I believed there was no one else for me, and that he was the only person love me. I felt rejected in many ways to myself. I simply thought I was not good enough for anyone-- even him.

I realize now how silly I was to think that way. A part of me believes there is no man who can love me and spend his life with me. I know there is a part of me that closes off, and perhaps that is the reason why I do not take chances to be in a relationship and have that person be with me.

People did love me, and I went away.

I believe in universal love. This is the reason why I call myself "the hippie." It's simple. Love all. Love my surroundings; love the animals, the people--even the ones who do not want it. Just love. Always love. Hate is strong. I do not want any of that negative energy passing through me. I believe in love, energy, and knowledge. "With love comes understanding, respect, kindness, generosity, and happiness. It is a circle, what you give returns."

Love is effort. In a relationship, it takes two to make it work.
The next relationship I will be in has to go somewhere. I do not want to waste anyone's time.

I have to be careful with my defenses. I know I push others away when they come close. When I think I am being hurt or rejected, I close myself. I become emotionally detached. I have to be with a person who understands that and knows how to work around it.

There are things I have to understand, too...

I know I have to continue to grow in love with myself before I am in another relationship.