Finally

So glad you came. Now, I'll learn to just be. Thanks.

Come on, 2011.

I just want to cry. Why does it seem so hard to cry?? I know if I did cry, it would take a load off.

I am ready for 2010 to end. I've learned so much, I've seen how I really am, and other things... I just want this year to be over with.

This has been the most difficult year I had to deal with for the past 4 years. I am seriously fed up with a bunch of things. I just want to move forward and just have a clean slate. I just want to be on my own. I want to be satisfied being single. It annoys me. I don't want to deal with those emotions that deal with relationships. Seriously. I'm just fed up with them.

I've only been in love once, and that took a while to happen. I honestly think I cannot "fall" or be "in love" again. I don't know how people do it--fall in love and actually be together and be married. Seriously-props to you!! I admire that, and I can only dream of it. But, it's only a dream, and I don't want to be chasing it.

Why is that? Yes-it scares me because I honestly think it cannot happen. But this is me talking while i am sobering up.

"Glory"

Glory:

Magnificence, splendor, beauty, and wonder. The beauty that inspires feelings of wonder and joy.

I'm lingering.

"Wise women hold on to the promises of God and let go of the things that poison or frustrate life" ("Fight Like a Girl," Lisa Bevere)

Perhaps letting go of the mission group I'm a part of will be better. I already have a bible class in the morning, and the homework is time-consuming and heavy, but absolutely worth it. I am working more hours and I have classes in the week.

I've had a lot on my plate for the past year and a half. All the work and less rest is getting to me. I've become sad, lonelier, and introverted. Most days, I don't feel like doing anything, and I've been tired more so for almost 10 months.

A couple of people asked if I'm depressed, or if I have mild depression. I don't believe so. The only thing that keeps me motivated to get up in the morning (although it's a slow process) is my security in God. I'm happier in church. My joy still lingers, but it's only lingering. At least it's genuine. At least I have my guitar and music. I'm ok.