The new year is vast approaching. I couldn't sleep and hopefully I won't doze off before the new year kicks off.
I'm nervous, for some strange reason. No, not nervous; just skeptical and scared. Probably I should make resolutions, but somehow, I just don't feel up to sticking with whatever I make. I know I should change and work on my un-personable attitude, but what if I am really meant to be this way? I know I won't go anywhere with how I've been lately. I have been too sensitive, too vulnerable. I believe I'm this frail, weak, person. I don't feel or think that I'm strong at all, and I just want to be.
A couple of people say they know me, but they don't know anything at all. It seems difficult to just reach out to anyone, anymore. It seems that more-and-more people are becoming less compassionate and that they are in authority, or act, feel, or think they are more, above others. How many of us feel so insignificant, day-by-day, fighting like hell for themselves or someone they love, and only get back into that miserable feeling of self loath? Or maybe, it's just me...
I know that everyone reacts differently to situations, and I know I'm going to sound selfish but- why can't I, again I say, rise above that? Why can't I react differently than I do now? I'm a wreck, with an attitude to go along with it. I don't mean it, I sincerely don't. I don't mean to start fights with people, answer the wrong way and have my voice change from one thing to another. When I try, there's just something else that doesn't hold back and comes out the wrong way.
I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. Sorry for the way I've been, sorry for how I've treated everyone. I can never forgive myself for becoming the wreck I am and I only want to change, but it seems like it's not working. I am such a wreck and I want to be a better person. I have changed so much throughout the year, and I just hate- hate the person I have become. I really have no one... Even if they say they are there for me. Something still hasn't filled this void in my heart.
Oh yeah, happy new year, everyone.
I'm nervous, for some strange reason. No, not nervous; just skeptical and scared. Probably I should make resolutions, but somehow, I just don't feel up to sticking with whatever I make. I know I should change and work on my un-personable attitude, but what if I am really meant to be this way? I know I won't go anywhere with how I've been lately. I have been too sensitive, too vulnerable. I believe I'm this frail, weak, person. I don't feel or think that I'm strong at all, and I just want to be.
A couple of people say they know me, but they don't know anything at all. It seems difficult to just reach out to anyone, anymore. It seems that more-and-more people are becoming less compassionate and that they are in authority, or act, feel, or think they are more, above others. How many of us feel so insignificant, day-by-day, fighting like hell for themselves or someone they love, and only get back into that miserable feeling of self loath? Or maybe, it's just me...
I know that everyone reacts differently to situations, and I know I'm going to sound selfish but- why can't I, again I say, rise above that? Why can't I react differently than I do now? I'm a wreck, with an attitude to go along with it. I don't mean it, I sincerely don't. I don't mean to start fights with people, answer the wrong way and have my voice change from one thing to another. When I try, there's just something else that doesn't hold back and comes out the wrong way.
I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. Sorry for the way I've been, sorry for how I've treated everyone. I can never forgive myself for becoming the wreck I am and I only want to change, but it seems like it's not working. I am such a wreck and I want to be a better person. I have changed so much throughout the year, and I just hate- hate the person I have become. I really have no one... Even if they say they are there for me. Something still hasn't filled this void in my heart.
Oh yeah, happy new year, everyone.
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