I am somewhat jealous. I hate that. I am not a jealous person; well, that is what I thought.

On my dj, I put that 'it saddens me to think of school', and it does. However, it is not sadness, it's envy. It's what I had and what I do not have now. I should not think about that, I should not even think about that, because it is not like that.

I sound ungrateful. I am happy that I am where I am, but I see all those people I knew from elementary, middle, and high school take what they have for granted.

I have been feeling down on myself for not finishing this essay/research. I've had ideas, but I threw them away because a) I was bored of it or b) because I could not narrow my search or I just didn't find much interest in it, so that brings me back to a.

Now, I'm thinking of a new subject; but I keep telling myself to stick with what I have for now, since I do have research on it (the Sino-Japanese war - first and second). I was thinking just staying in that, but now I want to connect with other wars, such as the Holocaust and whatnot. I don't even know what I'm doing! I should just stay in one topic, and quit broadening it and giving myself more of a headache over it.

I was thinking, "if I were in high school, would it have been easier?"