The boy and I broke up, two days ago-and it hit me as I crept into my room. It really happened. I wept and tried to pray; however, words cannot suffice or bring hope. I had to feel it, and stop denying what happened and how I felt. It really happened. It just happened. There's no denying that.

I let my guard down and fought how serious I felt towards him. I began having my doubts. Perhaps I scared him? Am I too much for him? Did he say the things he felt because he had a sense of obligation? etc.

"I need to talk to you," I said. "I need to tell you something too." Oh no, this doesn't sound like it is going to be easy. "Is it good or bad?" I felt uneasy by this point. "I want to look into your eyes and say it." Ok, it shouldn't be that bad, then. Right? Wait--is he doing the same thing? To keep myself from waiting, I decided to say it after moments of quiet and confusion.

"I think we need time apart."

I'm not going to go into the conversation as detailed as I like. What caught me off guard (in some knowing way) is that he was thinking the same thing.

It confused me.

One thing I dislike when people break up is the flatter card. It goes like this, "You're an amazing person, wonderful. I felt like I learned a lot from you." etc. Why say that, and dump the person whom is so wonderful and perfect? If it were true, breaking up would not happen. Saying that is an easy way out, from looking like a jerk.

If he did love me, meant what he said about me, would he think about breaking up? I felt played. I was played. I just felt stupid I fell for him. I started to regret opening my heart to him and giving him the second chance. When I gave him that second chance, he had a chance to show he deserved it.

What is my reason for our time apart?
I knew he is new to love. He is just figuring it out. I thought he needed to get his priorities straight because he seemed lost and confused. I wanted us together, however, I cannot handle how I felt and observed from him. I did not want to feel alone in love.

His reasons?
Too busy with school, family things, etc.

I have things going on with me too. Does that mean I don't want him in my life to share what we have?

His reasons do not make sense.
Did he fall out of love? Did he become uninterested? Does he have commitment issues? Those make sense, and those are something that can be worked out in time, if needed. Or, was it the baby scare? I told him the night before we broke up that when he said, "I'm not ready to have a baby," I felt my heart split. He would not be there for me if it were true? Is this how committed he is to me? I understood he was scared, so was I. What if it were true? What will he do? Will he stick around?

Perhaps I scared him. I know my love is too much for him. Perhaps he is better off without me in his life.

On the other hand, perhaps it's the opposite; perhaps it's me in all this.