I'm writing this because I'm upset:

I want a break up. I want someone who is kind, intelligent, observant, and a best friend.
When I think he cannot trust me, I am insecure. (He is intelligent and observant. He is kind. I realize that, now.)

Over the last year I wrote the reasons why I cannot or do not want a break up.

I just feel so alone with him. I want to be with him. I have become vulnerable and I dislike it; it reminds me of my mother.
I wish things were better. I pray for us to work out. I want them to. I want him to try.

He just seems uninterested. I wish he were not. If I say, I'm unhappy or whatnot he believes it is a phase and I will or ought to get over it if I went away. However, going away will not help things. It will not solve anything.

When I was at church the other day, I saw couples holding each other, glancing at one another, squeezing their significant other's hand.
I want that. I have wanted that.

It has been over a year and it seems hopeless, now. I am praying there is hope. I pray for us more throughout the day when I am not with him, when I'm mad, upset, or happy. I pray for us before I go to bed and sadly and pathetically repeat it.

All my things in the storage are gone.
My parents continue moving.
My parents refuse to pay my school.
They are (I am) in Collection, again.
My work wants to give me a promotion once I have my high school diploma.
I love the beach.
I feel independent here.
I have freedom here.
Nonetheless, I am happy here.

Moreover, there is only one reason I want to leave California; it is the same reason I want to stay...