Okay, after calming down a bit, my temper is gone, the heat from my chest has finally ceased, and the tears- I don't think they will come back tonight. I'm sorry for looking like some kind of lunatic, I just... I don't know. Heh, this shows a lot about me, huh? What can you do about it; deal with how a person is, deal with how they are. Know that they try their best to make things right, mainly with themselves. You can't blame a person for trying. You can't leave them either for acting out. The last thing they would need is for a person to leave. People always leave, I know that and sometimes they come back. Sometimes, they'll be there for you through it all and never judge you, and some would just be there, but without actually being there. They'd try to help, I know that; they do whatever they can. We push people away when we really need someone the most and right when we bring someone in- we just crash and burn. We hurt more, finding a song to relieve the woe and mend a broken tune. I know I need to stop complaining. I've already accepted the fact that no one will be here for me all the time and all I can do to fill that void is just to take care of myself. I can't say I'm doing a very good job at doing that, but I try. You can't give up on a person for trying. I've known, long ago that I will be by myself; be alone and go through things alone and deal with most of life's swings alone. I know you can only take care of yourself but it wouldn't hurt to have someone to help you along the way and be absolutely patient and just-- be there. Be there through the toughest of our times; be the rock for us. I unfortunately cannot do that. I have no rock for myself and I'm mainly all alone in this and that's what really- really hurts me the most; but I have to deal with it and move on the best I could through problems and what-not.

Ugh, look at me, I'm going deep when I have to go to sleep for a test tomorrow in the morning; or later-on today, since tomorrow is today. I think I need some pills or something because I cannot fall asleep; I try.

Can you blame a person for trying? Or is that not good enough? Could I really be my own rock? I can try.