Natural Science

I love science. Since I was a little girl I was intrigued by how things work, how they are, what they can do, and what I can do. I loved it.

I took this test on projectcareer.com and I remembered telling my mom everything I learned from school- in science. I tell her about the tectonic plates, atoms, physics- anything I learned in science that day.

I realize how much I miss it. How much I love learning about it. Physical science, biology, and chemistry were my favorite subjects in school. There is so much I want to learn. It fascinates and soothes me.

Then I remembered the California Science Center. I would love to go there, again.


I enjoy my first result. I wonder how accurate it is?


"Biotechnology is among the most active fields of research and attracts about a quarter of all funding from companies in the industry, according to National Science Board data. Work in this field seeks to understand and use the fundamental processes of cellular life to develop more effective medicines, consumer products, and industrial processes. Advances in biotechnology have led to new drugs and vaccines, disease-resistant crops, more efficient enzymatic manufacturing processes, and novel methods of dealing with hazardous materials."

"Nanotechnology is perhaps even more of an emerging field than biotechnology, and they often overlap in their work on the molecular level, such as with DNA tagging. Nanotechnology is the study of new structures roughly on the same scale as individual atoms, or one millionth of a millimeter. At this size, materials behave differently and can be made into new structures such as quantum dots, which are small devices that behave like artificial atoms and can be used to tag sequences of DNA, make nanoscopic switches for electronics, or produce extremely small lasers for communications equipment."



"Life, physical, and social scientists form the core of the research operations in the industry. Biological scientists conduct research to understand biological systems, develop new drugs, and work with genetic material. Most work for pharmaceutical or biotechnology companies; others perform their research in Federal or academic laboratories. Medical scientists research the causes of health problems and diseases, and then use this information to develop medical treatments and preventive measures. Their work is similar to that of biological scientists, but with a specific emphasis on disease prevention and treatment. Chemists and materials scientists research the nature of chemical systems and reactions, investigate the properties of materials, and develop new products or processes utilizing this knowledge. They perform research used by a broad array of industries to develop new products. Along with physicists , chemists and materials scientists conduct basic and applied research on nanotechnology."


" Sample Job Titles
* Chemist
* Medical Scientist
* Microbiologist
* Nanotechnologist
* Aerospace Research Scientist"



I wonder what it will be like if I were a forensic anthropologist. It is interesting to me. However, will I be able to handle some of the gruesomeness?

I realize love is more than a feeling; it takes effort and discipline.
It takes more effort being the only one growing for two.

I walked to work yesterday morning and for some reason I thought about how my life can be different if I did not live with Sean. Possibly, I may do better in college. I think I am better off without a relationship because I can focus on me. However, money comes in and I am not in the best of or decent wealth.


There does not seem to be a difference being full time at work. I love doing truck in the morning.
I hear Kristene will be our official full time clothing and cashier once she comes back from Missouri. ^ ^

I made peanut butter cookies at Kristene's place a day before she left. The first batch were perfect. The second and third were overcooked or undercooked.
Maria and I made California rolls. I enjoy being around her. We brought them to work (and the cookies), and the sushi ran out, quickly! Bryan thought Kristene made the cookies when he brought some home to his family. :(


Sean and I spent Christmas with his mom. We had Sizzlers and watched I Am Legend.

When he was young, he and his mom went to Sizzlers on Christmas day, after his grandmother died. I want to keep the tradition for him.


I did not buy him a gift. Today is his birthday. I don’t know where he is. I can’t call him because my phone is off. I hope he does not put it in my face that I didn‘t buy him anything; he tends to do that, although he says he understands.

He bought me an iPod. I am happy he did. I love it. I wish I were able to buy him something, at least.

We're doing okay.


My family did not come down. They said it will be best because they can save money and pay for my school...

The usual.

At work, they told me, did not ask me, from then until December 31st, I will temporarily be full time. I have a two-dollar raise and I am told not to tell anyone how much I make or that I am full time.

For potluck, I am making sushi. Perhaps, chocolate covered strawberries too. Maria and Rosie will do it with me, since they begged for it.

I have not started Christmas shopping, nor will I this year.
My mother called me a few days ago and told me that my school counselor has talked to her (I would not say 'with', because I know she did not say much that will help.) and told her that I "will have to start over again, as a freshman in high school," if she (my mom) does not pay, again.

I am determined to pay off as much as I can, of what she owes. My upcoming check is on December 21st, and I hope I am not too late. I have to send it as money order, and find a way for them not to find out I paid...


Sean said he is having a surprise for me this Christmas. I am not expecting much. I do not want him to buy me anything, really.

He did preorder BoA's upcoming album (limited edition!) for me, though. So, that's fine. :)

However, it seems I am unable to buy him anything this year, or for his birthday...




This Christmas seems a bit glum for me. It does not feel like Christmas, anymore.

There is colour and beauty in darkness.

Leaves, bugs, bear, old man, and voicemails.

The leaves are making the path difficult.

I see an evil bug, an old man with a curl on his head, and a sad bear with big eyes and a beard.






Simple, cute or silly, voicemails make me happy.

Exit

This best describes the situation, feeling, and thoughts lurking in my mind.


At times, words do not carry meaning. Truth is vague and lies are lost in reserved spots. Sometimes, belief is difficult to attain in a closed mind.
There are directions and windows that cannot be avoided in a lot that one has chosen, or had no choice but to go. There are lots that are empty; ones that people unknowingly avoid.


I am fully aware of what I say; I am, however, unsure if I said it correctly.
I have been thinking of moving out. If I had a choice, but not leave California-, I will. I have told Sean plenty of times; however, he did not believe me until tonight.

"I don't want to get married, now. I'm just tired of it. I am tired of fighting," "I thought about really moving back with my parents. There's nothing there for me, there's nothing here, too," "I do want to stay with you- it's just hard."

I do not want to get married. Not now, or soon. We are fighting too much. We have to work things out before getting married.

Once things seem right, I do. I have given up waiting to get married. I realize it is for the best. We cannot be like this, anymore. We cannot be like this, at all. Please.

The one that stood out is not from the center.



P.S. Have a happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Sucks for me, I cannot eat solid foods because I am sick (I didn't eat anything Monday, and finally ate something Tuesday night- which is not much, and ended up sticking my head in the toilet in pain.).

Man, I really want mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, yams, and pumpkin pie.
Fall is my favorite season. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Sean and I planned to make a meal, too! Now, it will not happen. :/

I really miss my mom's food when I am sick. She took very good care of me.

My boss probably thought I was not that sick. Oh well. I will still show up for work Friday.

Woops. My "P.S." ought to end now.

It can be nothing.

I give up. It is not a very positive thing to say, is it? I am not expecting to move soon. I am not thinking much about graduating soon. I still want to start over. Nevertheless, I have to be patient; I dislike being patient.

I need new surroundings. I need muses. I do not want to be the same girl that everyone knows of at work. I want change and change will only happen if I allow it too.

What I am possibly most tired of is people wanting me to be this person... Alternatively, rather, something they think will be best and what I should do because they are doing it. I don't want to come home and listen to someone talk about his or her love life, or whatever it is. They talk to me about the same thing.
Can people have better or more thought provoking things to say to me? It seems like uncultured and not so bright or idle persons surround me!

Change is perhaps one of the things that can keep me sane. I tire of redundancy.

Other news, Sean is on a business trip. I almost wish he did something I dislike. I know- horrible of me! I think I am going to regret typing that into here. I feel extremely disgruntled. On the other hand, I am slightly irate that he did not call me tonight. That is possibly the most logical thing I have said or thought tonight.
It is good for him. Great for his job.

I wonder why he does not go to school, already. No, I do not wonder. I know why. It just bothers me knowing he is able to go to college now. He did say he wanted to wait for me. I believe that is an excuse. Presently, he says he cannot because he has other things to worry about (i.e. work, saving money, getting a license and a car, et cetera.). Those are understandable. We do need a car to drive to school. However, he has not followed through as he said he was months ago.

I need to stop this. I am complaining too much.

There has to be a root to this frustration. There has to be. Something started this and it is escalating, and I want to know what it is so I can breathe. I am the only person who can take care of this.

For weeks, I have been figuring out what it is and I have come up with nothing that really nails it. On the other hand, is it fragments of unrelated proportions? Can it be that it is nothing at all? Resulting, therefore, a personal issue- ignored.

I do not know if it is Sean, if it is work, if it is school, if it is moving, or whatnot, that is bothering me. It has to be deeper than that. There has to be at least one thing that started it all. Worse, it can be nothing.

Temecula, Wine Country, Antique Shopping, and things.

Let us take a seat.


It has been a while since I have updated and I am unsure what to say.

Kristene and Mike have been more than great to me. They drove me to Temecula and old town Temecula, through the wine country, and took me antique shopping (they bought me a calligraphy set at an antique mall).

All month I kept myself busy. Either going out or creating things at home. However, my schoolwork has not been touched as often as it should.

I go to a coffee shop every Sunday after work with one or two of my co-workers to study, do some homework, and talk. Those are the only times I have done my homework this month. Nevertheless, I finished six packets and I started on my new six a couple of days ago. Therefore, I believe I am doing fine. Anyway, I am still (technically my mom) in Collection.

I am unable to be a full timer at work because I do not have my high school diploma.

Last weekend Kristene, Mike, and I drove to Vegas. The excuse was to obtain my birth certificate and we have tried but failed. The rule is I have to get it in Reno, not in Vegas, or fill out a form and wait. I am unable to fill out the form because I have no ID. My mother did and I hope it will be coming soon.

Yes, I finally saw my parents and brother. They seem to be doing well. I learned how to make sushi and chocolate covered strawberries while we were there.

Perhaps I should stop. Plenty has happened in between, I am just too lazy to think and write it all.


Edit: We saw "O" by Cirque du Soleil! Amazing. Moving.

Rain

Out from our door...

I wanted to capture how beautiful the sky looked once the rain stopped.

I could not capture it as I thought...


Instead, I was left alone on a garage rooftop.

I believe you are better off living your life without me, because you do it now. I seem to be nowhere in your plans, our plans that I have made with you; that's what I thought. Now it seems like I have made them myself.

I seem to be nowhere in your life. And I wish I was because I have given myself to you. You are special and I don't want to lose that.

I seem to be nowhere in your life. Are you better off without me? Because if you are I am willing to let you go if it will make you happy and stress-free.
although it hurts thinking about it... it really does. I don't want to leave you. I don't. However, now it seems like that is where it would lead to if we did not live together.