25 Things

This has taken me almost a week.
Some of this I ought to say to myself. This was difficult.


1] List 25 things you want to say to people.
2] Don't say who they are.
3] Never, discuss it with anyone.




...Try to figure who is who...
reminder: each one is about a different person.



1. You mean everything to me. I cannot see myself without you. I love you, more than anyone and anything. I want you and me to grow old together. I would not know what I am or what I will do without you. You are my first. I have given my heart to you. You are perfect in every way to me. The trouble is I am afraid of telling anyone, even you, of how much I feel. If anything were to happen, I would be empty; I will be over of being scared because I would not want to feel anything. You are my water and shade.

2. Friends since we were seven and eight. Sisters since thirteen and fourteen. You have always been someone I admired. However, there has been this emptiness and almost a lack of companionship. Possibly, it is because I am a year younger; or it can be that I am constantly moving. Anyway, I still think and look at you as I always have: someone I have always wanted to be.

3. Our friendship was great and fun in the beginning. However, I am not sure I will call it friendship, now. You have not told me about the money you have taken behind my back. In addition, you have always been against my relationship with him. You need to grow up and get yourself together. You are dependent. Prove me wrong.

4. A mother at such a young age and some one I truly respect. You are an excellent mother. You have matured. I am very proud of you.

5. I may blame you for not trying to call me as much as I have called you. I was trying to save our friendship; it hurt me after months of you not trying as much as I have. However, I do blame myself for the most of it. I understood you were going through things. I ought to have been more sympathetic. I am sorry for being so horrible and not talking to you a few weeks before you were off to that war I am sick of. It is my entire fault. I miss you and I love you. I will always see you as my older brother.

6. I am glad you came back in my life. It is disappointing that we do not speak as much, anymore. However, I am glad you at least try. I love you, for that. I cannot wait until we go out, again! You are such a sweetheart. I love your last name. It reminds me of Pride&Prejudice. :) I wish the best of luck for you!

7. Kindred spirits since the freshman year. Too bad, we never had the chance to be friends. Now, you are going to a prestigious university- this is one of my dream schools! Let us always keep in touch. There is no one like you. Perhaps, one day we can go out to Starbucks or Barnes&Noble to read a book, together. However, I highly doubt it. I wish I had your smarts.

8. I have realized you and I have more in common than I thought. I believe, and hope, we become better friends.

9. I am sorry for missing your class. I am sorry for failing. I really looked/look up to you. You knew I had much to learn. I am so sorry, and I know I will never see you, again. I hope you did not think the worse of me.

10. You are leaving. Just like him. I am glad you care as much as you do. I am sometimes scared of it being too strong and leave you hurt or angry. You have always been headstrong and now you have grown out of it and you are becoming a man. You are amazing and intelligent.

11. You are so spoiled. I don't care what you say that you are not. You want to grow in to a woman? How can you do that when you do not want to start living on your own, making your own hard-earned cash, having a job and still go to school? People can do it and they have it much worse than you do. They are the real workers. I do have sympathy for you but I do believe you have a lot more of growing up to do. Stop whining about your mom and start doing something about you.

12. You have made the former in to such a vulnerable girl. I cannot have any patience with you. Stop being so two-faced and start being honest and loving to your girls. They need it. They cry for it. Stop shopping around like a dependent woman you are and be a mother and a woman.

13. I become so upset with you because of your favouritism and how you treat/treated your boys. Your concentration is on your then current and current relationship. You are enjoyable to be around with. I notice habits that the boys have that you talk about that you have. With every person, there is a flaw. Do not say you are perfect. None of us is. I have never met anyone in my life who can say the racial slurs. I know you are not that bad compared to others. I'm just sayin'.

14. We never had a conversation. We could have been closer if I had not moved so much and if you and I were not shy. I have always wondered about you; for as long as I live, I believe I will wonder about you. Were you a doctor in a hospital? A lawyer? You and I were competitive. Those glances at each other seconds before the timed tests, our hearts racing as we are head-to-head to the finish line (Well, technically, the side walk from the wall across the field), who can be above the other in our tests... I will never forget what you wrote me in the third grade (each class mate in Ms. Bogart's, now, Mrs. Palmer, wrote to me.) when I left Arizona. Though the letter remains vague, I remember some. Yours was the most personal. Everyone wrote of the same thing: field day. You wrote about it too, but it was very short. The rest... well, is sweet and cute. I have never told you that. In addition, you, likely, will never know. The last time I saw you was during your freshman orientation, at a table near the cups and water. You and I just looked at each other; and that will probably be the last glance we will have of another.

15. After getting to know you and talking with you I saw you as one of the most kind-hearted, intellectual, and interesting person I have met. You are loyal and I admire that. I almost feel guilty for knowing you because of how amazing you are. Thus far, you are one of the influential people in my life. Stay that way- just the way you are. Well, you can lay off the drinking a little bit. 

16. I can honestly say we could have been more than friends, before I met Sean. You have asked me and I told you we can only be friends but I never told you why. It is because one of my very good friends liked you for a long time. Another, whom I was getting to know, was your girlfriend at the time and the other one I just knew and spoken with, but we were somehow friends in the end. Therefore, even if I did not meet him, we would have not been together that way. However, what we have is much better than that kind of relationship you were asking for, and I like to keep it that way. :)

17. How did we become like sisters? It just happened unexpectedly. Too bad you are across the country, now.

18. I am always going to care about you. I wish you did not take me for granted. What you have been through was horrible and it sucked not being there for you. I do hope you are doing ok. I know you are always having problems. Please, take care of yourself.

19. You are the most disrespectful person I have met. You go around saying how you have the most respect for women and that you treat all of them well. I would not doubt the latter; however, your conduct with a married woman and your philandering with a girl whom you dislike are just sickening. I am glad I do not allow myself in to your ways. You have made me so uncomfortable that night; you seemed like a different person since then. I cannot believe how fake you are.

20. In candour, I cannot stand you. You take your mother for granted when she cares about you the most out of your two younger brothers. You are a liar and a sick man. When you even raise your voice or talk down on him and his brother, I just want to slap you in the face and kick you the hell out. You are 22 years old without a diploma, working an under the table job, and I can see you marrying her or any young woman out of money. Sick, sick, sick- and pathetic! I dislike how I have to be so nice to you.

21. I do not know what is going on with you, now, but I think you need help if you are still the same. I don't even know if we are friends, anymore.

22. I think we are friends, just not much. I realized I should not become close to you and her. I would not be surprised if we stopped talking one day, although we really get along.

23. What is going on? Who are you, really? I hear so many different accounts on you and some of them make sense. I will not judge you or stop talking to you; I am curious to who you are and what you have lied about to me.

24. What kind of father will ignore his daughter's feelings and opinions? I knew she was going to have it rough. I hope you stay away from me and if you do not I am going to give you a piece of my mind. I don't care what you say about me. I am tired of you all, anyway.

25. I am glad you found out about them the way you did. You would have not believed me if I told you two years ago.

Shades

I am always unsure if I should muster the courage to take on a path. There are cracks I am cautious of and shades that will either shelter me for a moment or keep me from going further.

Sometimes, I want to stand back and ponder how it is to go forward; it can even look beautiful when you have not entered.